Fullness.

Have you ever heard a song and something about it just hits you deep in your soul? That song for me was (is) Fullness by Elevation Worship.  A few weeks ago, Neal went to meet a guy about selling our beloved Chevelle.  That morning, Neal had walked out of the house, a bit frustrated that we hadn't sold the Chevelle yet, saying "We need to be done with this. If he offers to buy it, no matter what he offers, I'm going to sell it."  He then texted me about an hour later saying that this guy is serious and is going to buy it.

Not only was he going to buy it. But he was going to buy it to fix up and restore for his son.  If you don't know, the Chevelle was bought from a father and son by a father and son (Neal and his Dad) and then we were selling it to a father and son.  Something just felt right about it.  It probably sounds like a silly thing, but to us it was a sign that God's hand was in this.  There was a peace about it that only comes from the Lord.

When Neal texted me to tell me the news, I had Spotify on and blasting through a speaker as I cleaned the house.  I hadn't been in our nursery in weeks, things had just felt too raw, and I couldn't face all the baby things while my arms were still empty. But as I saw God moving through the sale of the Chevelle, I got brave and went into the nursery, bringing the speaker with me.

I used to often go into the nursery and pray.  For those of you who have seen War Room, it was like my prayer closet.  Some things had happened and I just closed the door to the nursery weeks ago.  I didn't want to see it and certainly didn't feel brave enough to go in there.  This was the first time I'd opened the door in weeks, let alone actually entered the room.

As I just stood in the middle of the room, I just thanked the Lord for His faithfulness in selling the Chevelle to the right family.  Then "Fullness" began to play.  It just hit me deep.  While there is so much emptiness as we wait for our family to grow, there is still so much F U L L N E S S.  God has shown Himself faithful to us in so many ways.  We've seen and known His goodness in so many ways we would've missed out on had we been able to walk an easier or different road to growing our family.

A lot of days it's hard to see that..it's hard to see the good.  But there is SO MUCH goodness and FULLNESS in this season.  We're reminded often that adopting and bringing a child into our family is so good and will be so sweet, but that's not the prize.  It's not the end-all-be-all.  JESUS is.  That's where the fullness lies. In Him. I think that's why this song hit me so deeply. My heart needed to be reminded that my empty arms don't have to mean that my life is empty. That I'm empty. In fact, in many ways, I'm more "full" than ever before.

That day I just literally stood in the nursery with my arms extended, turning in circles, tears running down my face, as that song played, praying over and over "Let Your glory fill this house."  Yes, I long for the days my arms hold our sweet babe, but more than that, I long for more Jesus. For His fullness. That I will be satisfied with Him and Him alone.

"Fullness of eternal promise
Stirring in Your sons and daughters
Earth revealing heaven's wonders
Spirit come, Spirit come

What You spoke is now unfolding
All Your children shall behold it
Dreams awaken in this moment
Spirit come, Spirit come

Pour it out
Let Your love run over
Here and now
Let Your glory fill this house."